I Went Through Hell…
And All I Found Was Love
Now I feel peaceful, free, powerful inside and can support others.
In a state of resistance we don’t have a choice to be free.
What is in the way of being yourself? Meet what you are in resistance with and soon you can realize...there aren't enemies within.
Shift attention from thinking to FEELING and drop the importance of a certain outcome.
Focus on making a move into the issue.Then keep moving. Take achievable steps that you can accept.
Playfully experiment and test ideas, believes, concepts and discover what feels right for you.
Allow yourself to be as authentic as you can be in order to witness all the blocks that keep you away from being more YOU.
Repeat what works for you. Then practice and apply without interruption!
By law: "As above so below" everything is always expanding in the universe. Therefore you can't do really wrong - take action steps and move on.
“I feel puzzled.” might be a mellow way to describe how I experienced my life period between my thirties and forties. I seemed to not make the smartest moves in life which had its toll the mid of my forties.
At this point I had some nagging health issues as well as financial challenges and demands while going through a divorce. Internally I felt like herding mice in a mice wheel.
To boil it down: I did not know what to do. I felt extremely lost, afraid to lose even my health, very hopeless while in a lot of emotional pain.
But…fortunately I was aware that my issues are an internal reflection and my only way out is…going in and THROUGH. A Medical Qigong teacher of mine had the saying: “Whatever went into the bucket needs to come out.” How right he was.
Obviously it took a more radial wake up call for me to finally open up to face one of my hardest blocks.
Originally I was raised in East Germany [GDR] under a restrictive Communist Regime in a small village close to Leipzig. We were not encouraged to speak up for ourselves; not in public nor at home. I could not express the sexual and physical abuse I was under, even though I did speak up. Nobody believed me, which opened the doors to continuous abuse. There was no hope that something would change in my circumstances for a longer time.
I was urged to find solutions within the situation to grow internally beyond my capacity of feeling pain. It was not just my own pain that I experienced, but the pain of everyone around me. I thought that something is not okay with me. I paid a lot of attention to sort out the nuts and bolts how to be around people with influence and power over me.
In those years I learnt how to get and be ready for internal and external war – every single day. The worst part…I didn’t even know I was doing it because I thought that was life.
(Allow a note at this point: I always felt the heavy load of our German heritage. My parents have been raised by a generation that went through two wars. Every person in devastating situations like a war will be focused on survival for themselves and their loved ones. Those behaviors and ways how to live life have been handed down through generations. And even though the war was over when my parents grew up war in the people’s mind was still very alive and present. My parents have been raised to survive and work hard; that was their parents main concern for life. Today I realize that this is why war can continue to exist on this planet because some of those thoughts and programmed believes we will not simply get out of our minds through affirmations and thinking positive. I know that this is true by looking how much war we still experience on the planet.)
Everything in my childhood was about the next fight to avoid fear and pain for survival and have some pleasure…Even though I had a lot of natural talents the most have not been nurtured under those circumstances, except my inner connection to Divine.
I found great release in all kinds of physical and creative activities including sports, singing, painting and so on. Then I could relax enough to listen within and when I followed the internally given instructions I had outcomes I really loved. On the other site when I was in fear or under great pressure I followed a more aggressive louder voice which pushed me through with results of more pain and restrictions.
All kinds of physical issues occurred in childhood as a result of being stressed out so much, but my inner spirit kept me moving. The most life changing encounter with my spirit presence was with the age of seventeen.
I remember the event very clearly: another dangerous situation. But this time I had so much enough and I decided to give up and die…and I completely surrendered. In that second I had dropped all resistance.
For the very first time I experienced my true nature.
That moment at the age of seventeen my life had changed forever and set me on the path.
It took until my fifties to integrate all those information allowing me to truly heal from my childhood trauma.
All the years of repeating similar events, circumstances, relationships have been my training to be able to finally really see the true cause of all my issues in life. When I allowed myself to look at it intensive changes occurred and I felt immediately so much lighter as if 1000 lbs invisible weight have been lifted from my shoulders.
I love the Magic Flute by Mozart and the story of the Osiris myth, which is the most elaborate and influential story in ancient Egyptian mythology, (it’s truly magnificent and magical). It concerns the murder of the God Osiris, a primeval king of Egypt, and its consequences. Osiris’s murderer, his brother Set, chopped him into pieces and scattering the pieces all over the land to suppress his brother’s power and to usurp his throne. Meanwhile, Osiris’s wife Isis restores her husband’s body, allowing him to posthumously conceive their son, Horus…(quote from wikipedia).
The Magic Flute is a Master Piece demonstrating our personal healing path to be ONE again.
Each body part was necessary for the resurrection like a puzzle. Each piece found will give more information about the big image.
ALL pieces are important to be whole, non of it can’t be rejected, ignored, pushed away, overruled, betrayed…
Each time ONE lost part can be integrated – The puzzle becomes more clear – Life get’s better.
Today I experience a much more abundant life in all the ways. I am in love with my hubby who really listens and cares about me and my family. He is my absolute best friend, supports and cheerleads my work while encouraging to never lose my dream.
We have manifested our custom built dream home and are financially very stabile. My relationships get better and better every day especially to my SELF, which makes me feel content, peaceful, and full of bubbling energy.
My work with clients and my personal relationships give me plenty of opportunities to expand and grow. It’s much easier to flow as the river flows and have everyone in the rafting boat paddling in the same direction.
One ending of a period in life brings forth the next new period. At this moment in my life I feel completed…at home. My personal next quest clear and very determined: the search and integration of lost puzzle pieces…
Love and Light